


Destination Wedding

by BirdOfHermes



Series: Bad Romance [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Banter, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Companionable Snark, Dancing, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fake Out Make Out, Female Character of Color, Fingerfucking, Hot Springs & Onsen, Literal Sleeping Together, Post-Black Panther (2018), Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Vanaheimr | Vanaheim, Wall Sex, Wedding Fluff, plump female character, Álfheimr | Alfheim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:57:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BirdOfHermes/pseuds/BirdOfHermes
Summary: Loki is the last person who should ever attend a wedding, but the Light Elves of Alfheim have invited the Asgardian royalty to attend and he has no choice. However, it seems he's found a kindred spirit in an equally grumpy Vanaheim blacksmith forced to attend as well. Perhaps he'll survive the forced merriment after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. This, like The Proposal AU I just wrote, is inspired by a romantic comedy, but this time, it's inspiration only. I used the absolutely hysterically awesome film Destination Wedding (2018, starring Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder, please rent it, it's amazeballs) for the premise and the rest is all me making this shit up. It doesn't follow the film at all. This is an AU simply because we're pretending Infinity War doesn't happen right now. It's been put off and Loki and Thor and Asgard have already been established on earth for some time. 
> 
> I tagged it as Loki/Reader since it straddles the line. It's more in line with the OFC from my story "Sugar and Spice," for clarification. I certainly hope you guys enjoy this story. 
> 
> I also know NOTHING about Light Elves. I just chose the planet and the name from the MCU Nine Realms Wiki, so don't shoot me.

_"You're all I've ever wanted_  
_But I'm terrified of you_  
_See, my castle may be haunted_  
_But I'm terrified of you_  
_I've cast my spell on millions_  
_But I'm terrified of you_  
_Baby, I do this from the ceiling_  
_But I'm terrified of you_  
_I wait my whole life to bite the right one_  
_Then you come along_  
_And that freaks me out_  
_So I'm frightened, ooh!"_  
_-"Dracula's Wedding" by Andre 3000_

Loki _hated_ weddings.

"Prince Loki of Asgard," the Alfheim elf in her ceremonial robes said, bowing deeply at the waist. "We are most honored to receive you. Welcome to Alfheim."

Loki inclined his head in return to her, but didn't even attempt a smile. "I am honored to attend on behalf of the House of Odin."

He handed her the box he'd been holding, wrapped ornately and extravagantly in gold and white ribbons. His other hand held an overnight bag of his clothes and toiletries. She placed the gift on the table already laden with wedding presents and handed him a large gift basket with a silver key dangling from it. "Please follow me to your accommodations."

The Alheim palace was nothing short of breathtaking, as much as the palace of Asgard had been. The Light Elves leaned in hard to their namesake and tended to do everything in white. The castle was all ivory and marble with beautiful sculptures adorning nearly every inch of it. He heard wind chimes as they stepped beyond the front gates and cool air brushed his hair from his brow, welcoming him in from the heat. The entrance had massively high ceilings adorned with stained glass rather than stone. It swirled with magical moving images of the Light Elves' ancestors singing joyous songs.

Loki wanted to throw up in his mouth a little.

They walked up two flights of stairs through a few hallways and then she unlocked the wide, white door with his key for him. Loki stepped inside a lavish guest room with an enormous bed, a fireplace, a full bar, and a balcony view of the kingdom straight ahead. Finger-foods were set on the small coffee table between three lounge chairs in front of the fireplace.

"Are the accommodations to your liking, Prince Loki?" the elf asked.

"Quite," he said, setting the gift basket on the nightstand. "When is supper?"

"At sundown, your grace. We'll send someone to collect you." She gestured to a long, silver felt rope next to the door. "If you need anything between now and then, please tug here and one of our servants will arrive promptly."

She bowed once more and left. Loki let out a long, annoyed sigh and tossed his bag at the edge of the bed. He was going to kill Thor for forcing him to attend this monstrous wedding. Alfheim had been an ally since Odin brought so-called peace to the Nine Realms. Snubbing the wedding of their youngest prince to his new bride would cause a rift between them and what was left of the Asgardians. Thor was busy on earth, getting the Asgardians settled and preparing for war with Thanos. No one knew where the Mad Titan was right now, but they knew he was whetting his knife. It wouldn't be long before he'd make his first overture, and Thor and his fellow Avengers didn't want to be caught off-guard. Still, though, weddings were Thor's kind of affair. He was charming and handsome. He put people at ease. He loved to laugh and share stories.

Loki just wanted to be left the hell alone, honestly.

He heaved a sigh and scooped up the small dish of olives and cheeses, tasting them more out of boredom than actual hunger. He wondered just how much magic he'd have to use in order to simply project himself into the wedding party rather than actually having to be there, but such magic required so much focus that it would be like he was there anyway. He had no choice. Thor would be cross with him for skipping out, so he'd have to behave for the time being.

The door behind him opened. Without thinking, Loki drew a dagger and whirled around, slamming it into the intricate ivory carvings inches away from the neck of the intruder.

He found himself pinning a dark-skinned woman with long, plaited silvery-white hair and blue eyes to the door. She was startled, but strangely not afraid at his rash actions. She had a bag of clothing in one hand and was dressed in an outfit he recognized from Vanaheim.

"Well, hello to you too," she said, arching a wispy eyebrow.

Loki scowled and didn't move the dagger out of sheer stubbornness. "Don't you know how to bloody knock?"

"I know how to knock," she said. "I thought this was my room. Must've got the number wrong."

She glanced down at the key attached to her gift basket. "Ah. I did."

"Where's your escort?"

"Oh, I've been in this pretentious palace before," she explained dismissively. "I told her I didn't need to be led to my room."

"Obviously, you did."

She frowned at him and purposely yanked the dagger out of the door beside her head, and his arm along with it. "Dark hair, accent, fancy clothes, bad attitude, tiny knife. Let me guess. Prince Loki of Asgard, I presume?"

 _"Tiny?"_ he spat indignantly.

She smiled sarcastically. "Puny, even. Your reputation precedes you, Prince Loki."

He snorted and made the dagger vanish. "And just who the hell are you supposed to be?"

"Luna," she said.

"Royalty from Vanaheim, I presume?"

"Not hardly. I'm the princess' favorite cousin. She forced me to attend this idiotic farce in her place because she's got better things to do than drink wine and make merry with these droll bastards."

Loki snorted. "Tell me about it. We all have better things to do than be here."

"Me especially," she sighed, pushing off from the slightly damaged door. "I suppose I'll see you at supper if I'm unlucky, Odinson."

"This is me holding my breath."

She let out a little huff of a laugh and pulled the door shut behind her as she left. Loki returned to the dish of olives and fine cheeses with a small smirk on his lips. Well, at least he wasn't alone in his misery.

* * *

"What powers in the universe did I anger to be stuck at this table with you?"

Loki craned his neck to see his temporary next door neighbor standing there. She wore a seafoam off-shoulder gown that had a tasteful split on one side and a lacy bodice. The gown showed off a stocky, curvy build with plenty of power and muscle beneath said curves. She had a gold stud in her nose and tiny gold hoops all down the shell of her ear as well as the lobe, and on each finger except her left one. Her long white hair was freshly washed and smelled of an exotic perfume. The only makeup he could see was an outline around those cat-shaped sapphire eyes.

"Hard to say," Loki said lazily as he brought the chalice of wine up to his lips. "You sound very annoying, though, so it could be any number of celestial beings that you've incensed."

She pulled her chair a few inches away from him pointedly before sitting down. The waiter drifted by and she stole a goblet of wine, downing it in one go. Loki arched an eyebrow. "Starting right off, are we?"

"Oh, stuff it, you goat," Luna said. "The only reason I showed up to this nonsense is for the wine. Light Elves keep the good stuff."

Loki chuckled. She pursed her lips. "What?"

"Nothing," he said. "There's just a Valkyrie somewhere who is missing out on meeting her soulmate."

She rolled her eyes and stole a second goblet once it passed by. "I thought the Valkyries all died in combat."

"All but one," he confirmed.

"Bless her, then. I always looked up to them when I was small."

Loki spared her a casual side-glance. "Oh? What is it that you do?"

"Weapons specialist. I make the arsenal for the palace guards."

"Ah. I thought you had the build of a blacksmith."

She eyed him. "Just how hard have you been looking at my build, Prince Loki?"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself. I make it a point to examine anyone who comes in my general vicinity. Asgard has no shortage of enemies. I live under a near-constant threat of assassination."

She snorted. "I bet that's largely just from people who've met you."

He rolled his eyes and didn't reply. The two of them stayed at their empty table in silence, drinking wine and coolly observing the reception. The Light Elves had held it out on the balcony above the palace gardens below. Tiny fairies flitted about through the darkness, glowing bright neon colors. The thick, sweet smell of flowers hung in the air. The guests that had been assigned to their tables were either out hob-nobbing by the buffet table or walking through the gardens. Everyone else at the party appeared to be having the time of their lives dancing and eating rich food.

"If I take out a dagger and kill myself, do you think anyone would notice?" Loki asked.

"No," Luna said. "Maybe if we make a suicide pact they'd notice."

He tilted his head back with a groan. "Only because we'd get blood on the doilies."

Luna clucked her tongue. "It would be in such poor taste to ruin the decorations. Perhaps we should poison ourselves instead. Much cleaner. Leave very pretty corpses behind."

"Mm, I do believe I see some nightshade in the floral arrangements," Loki mused. "Not a bad idea. Shall we compose a suicide note together?"

"Great idea. _Dear Alfheim royalty, your merriment is of such decadence that it is a hideous eyesore to anyone who has ever had to live in the real world before. Therefore, I, Luna of Vanaheim, and Prince Loki of Asgard, have taken it upon ourselves to hastily exit from your insipid ceremony rather than endure the sight of such pointless merriment over an outdated ritual designed for business and property purposes in origin._ "

"Excellently composed," Loki said. "I've been dead before. Should make the funeral go much smoother this time. They just have to reorder everything and change the date on my death certificate."

Luna choked mid-sip. "Excuse me?"

"Ah," he said. "You didn't know of my passing? It's been a few years now."

"If you died, how are you here?"

Loki shrugged. "It didn't stick."

She shook her head. "How unfortunate."

"Perhaps it was fate," he said dryly. "Perhaps the powers that be saved me just to be at your side for this wedding. It's destiny."

"It's written in the stars that we should be here together," she agreed just as dryly. She raised her goblet. "To us, Prince Loki."

He clacked his chalice with hers. "To us."

* * *

"So where are you now that Asgard has been forcibly renovated into a pile of space rocks?" Luna asked as the two strolled down the center path of the garden. After making polite overtures to the wedding couple, they'd stolen a bottle of wine and disappeared into the hushed quiet of the grove. Both had been drinking enough to have healthy flushes in their cheeks, but their steps were still steady as they walked through the high shrubs and willow trees in the clearing.

"Midgard," Loki said, passing the wine bottle back to her after a long swig. "It's not terribly comfortable, but it'll do for now."

She arched an eyebrow. "Isn't that the place you tried to take over that one time?"

He brushed the comment aside. "Water under the bridge, my dear."

"I doubt it is to the earthlings."

"They don't know I'm there. I wear a disguise when out and about."

"What kind of disguise?"

Loki summoned a wave of magic over himself. He appeared as an old man several inches shorter than his normal height with brown hair and brown eyes. His features were unremarkable, and it was intentional to help him blend in.

She cocked her head to one side. "Effective. I wouldn't be able to identify you at all."

"Thank you," he said, dropping the illusion. "But to be fair, Midgardians aren't the most perceptive. They are very self-involved. It's been enough years now that I could walk around without the glamour and not get recognized, but it's not worth the risk of a sighting for now."

"Mm." She drank in the short silence as they continued into the rose garden. "How's that handsome brother of yours?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Annoying."

"Says you. I've never had the pleasure. I was always teaching classes or working when he visited Vanaheim."

"I can introduce you, if you like," he said with heavy sarcasm.

She grinned. "Is that resentment I hear, Asgardian?"

"Thor isn't all he's cracked up to be," he hissed, snatching the bottle from her. "He's just as flawed and foolish as the next man."

"Boy, that's some baggage on you," she said, tipping the bottle back down after he guzzled a couple of mouthfuls. "I'd heard you were like this, but it's still kind of impressive."

"Like what?" he scowled.

"On your own, you're stuffy. If someone mentions your brother, you become insufferable."

He eyed her. "Do you have any siblings?"

"Younger sister."

He cupped her chin, peering down into her eyes intently from inches away. "And were you as beautiful as you are now since you were an adolescent? Or was she prettier than you?"

Luna thought it over. "She's smaller, more delicate, I suppose. I haven't given it much thought."

"Exactly," Loki said with plenty of venom. "So imagine being dragged behind someone who is your physical superior in every way and having to listen to nearly every person around you constantly compliment him, over the course of a thousand years. You too might be insufferable, my dear."

"I can't believe it's that easy to get under your skin, God of Mischief. I thought you'd be tougher."

"Mm." He straightened and let go of her chin. "Let's just say you haven't seen that part of me yet."

He peered up into the night sky. "We should head back soon. There's that irritating sunrise ceremony in the morning."

She flopped down onto a nearby bench. "Do we have to?"

He glanced at her. "What? Too drunk to walk back?"

"Hardly," she sighed, tilting her head back and shutting her eyes. "Too lazy."

Her silvery-white hair gleamed in the overhead moonbeams, offset by her sienna skin. Loki had the sudden urge to plunge his hand into it to feel those silken strands. He shook himself a little and set the wine bottle next to her. "I'm not bloody carrying you, if that what's you're asking."

She scoffed. "Like you even could with those spindly arms."

Loki glared. "If I lift you, it'll only be to throw you off the ledge into the sea."

Luna laughed. "Try it, Asgardian. It'll be the last thing you ever do."

She lifted the wine bottle and emptied it with one smooth pull. She smacked her lips and lobbed it over the hedge behind her without looking. When she opened her eyes again, Loki stood over her, one hand outstretched. He swiped a droplet of wine from the corner of her lips and brought it up to his mouth. He sucked his finger clean and then smirked at her shocked expression.

"Oh, I don't know," he purred. "It might be worth it."

He gave her a mock-bow. "Goodnight, Luna."

Loki returned up the path, feeling her cool eyes on him until he disappeared from sight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Two of the Alfheim wedding.

Loki woke up unusually comfortable and well-rested.

He drifted into consciousness from his wine-induced deep sleep on his stomach, his face half-buried in the lush pillow, one arm dangling off the edge of the bed. The other was trapped beneath the pillow and something much more solid that he couldn't immediately identify. Slowly, he gathered the strength to scoot until he wasn't about to tumble off the mattress. He met resistance against his left side.

Loki frowned sleepily into the pillow. The foreign object nestled halfway into his upper body felt an awful lot like a person. Warm, soft, satin skin touched his spine and shoulder blades. Hot air brushed over his muscles. Fine hair tickled his waist just above his silk pajama pants.

Finally fully awake, Loki pushed up onto his hands to find out he indeed had a companion.

 _"Luna!?"_ he sputtered.

The Vanaheim blacksmith mumbled something incoherently and grabbed his pillow without opening her eyes, cuddling it beneath her cheek. Seething, Loki shook her shoulder. She blinked her pale lashes a few times and then yawned.

"What the _hell_ are you doing in my room?" he demanded.

She frowned. "Keep your bloody voice down, your highness. It's too early for this shit."

Then she seemed to pause and completely wake up this time. She glanced down at herself, realizing she was still in her gown from last night, and then took in the bedroom. She sighed in resignation. "They really should make these guest rooms look different."

"That's all you have to say for yourself?" he spat, snatching the pillow from her.

She rubbed her eyes. "Look, I had another bottle of wine on the way back from the garden. What's your excuse? You didn't feel me get in bed next to you?"

Loki worked his jaw. "I had another drink before bed, so no. Didn't feel a thing."

Luna shrugged. "And nothing happened, so don't act as if I've affronted you somehow."

He glared. "Get out of my bed before I smother you to death."

Luna snorted. "Are you always this grumpy when beautiful women show up in your bed?"

Her blue eyes twinkled slightly with challenge. Loki allowed a smirk to cross his lips. He let the pillow drop and straddled her on the bed, not touching her anywhere, but the gesture made a statement for him. "If you are making a romantic overture, I would be happy to oblige you, milady."

To his utmost consternation, she didn't react aside from lifting an eyebrow. "In your dreams, Asgardian."

He picked up a lock of her hair. "You can't even fathom what happens in my dreams, darling."

Luna let out a coy chuckle and pushed up on her elbows so that her lips were level with his ear. "Let me explain something to you, Prince Loki. I don't court anyone. I melt men down like the tools they are and use them until they break."

She lifted her long, powerful legs on either side of his hips. "I could snap you in half with one squeeze. Don't push me."

Loki chuckled softly. "I assure you I am stronger than I look, my dear."

"That's what they all say."

He tilted his head until their faces were inches apart. Warm, fragrant air from her wine-ripened lips brushed against his mouth. He wondered if he'd be able to taste it if he kissed her right now. "Try me."

Luna smirked. "Not in a million years, your highness."

"Then kindly get your lazy carcass out of my bed."

They stared each other down for another handful of heartbeats. Her smirk widened into a lovely, challenging smile in the dim pre-dawn light slanting in from the balcony window. "Well, well. Maybe you are fun after all, Prince Loki."

She pushed his arm aside and slid off the mattress. Try as he might, he couldn't help watching; the gown had gotten tangled around her wide hips during the night, exposing most of that luscious brown skin from her inner thighs to her ankles. She straightened her dress as much as possible and opened his door, tossing an amused glance over her shoulder.

"See you at the ceremony."

Her blue eyes wandered down towards his pelvis. "Don't bring _that_ with you."

She shut the door on Loki's blushing, frustrated expression.

* * *

"Is it possible to die of boredom?" Luna groaned.

"No," Loki said. "It's possible to kill out of boredom, though, and I am certainly tempted."

She glared daggers at the ceremonial priest up on the small stage, who had been reading the holy script in another language for the past forty-five minutes. The sun had long since risen over the horizon. The priest seemed to enjoy the sound of his own voice and even the bride had started to squirm where she knelt in front of him, her hands clasped with her equally uncomfortable groom.

Loki and Luna sat in the last row of seats at the back of the clearing, hidden from pretty much anyone's view and earshot. Breakfast would be served once the sunrise procession finished. Their stomachs took turns gurgling in protest the longer the reading continued.

"Throw a knife at him," Luna insisted. "That'll get his attention."

"That would kill him and I'd be imprisoned," Loki said without blinking.

"Yeah, but at least you wouldn't be bored anymore and prisoners get three square meals a day."

He hid a smile. "Then you do it."

"Oh, I'm not carrying anything under this dress, sadly," she said. "My thighs are too thick. The strap chafes. You'd have to give me one of your little pig-stickers."

Loki twitched the fingers on his right hand and summoned a dagger. "They are _not_ pig-stickers."

She snatched it out of his hand and held it between hers, examining it with professional scrutiny. "It's finely honed, I'll give you that, but it's hardly anything special. Not like an ax or a broad sword."

"I prefer agility over brute force. It's just as effective. It's also quieter and you're far more likely to survive if you kill undetected."

She eyed him. "How many assassinations have you been sent on, your majesty?"

"Enough," he said, his palm up. She didn't give him the dagger back. Instead, she tucked it into her thick, flowing braid until only the cobalt handle showed, making it look like an ornament. He lifted an eyebrow at her wordlessly and she batted thick eyelashes at him.

"A girl needs her accessories, milord."

He rolled his eyes. "Right."

At last, someone blew a horn to signify the end of the ceremony. "Oh, thank the gods. Let's eat."

After breakfast, the guests were all dismissed for various activities on the grounds of the kingdom. The least odious of them--and the one that required little to no interaction with others--was the beach just outside the palace walls. They'd set up small devices not unlike earth's flashlights that projected a near-invisible tent around its occupant of about eight feet that was several degrees cooler and protected from the sun's oppressive rays. The guests all frolicked in the sea, but Loki chose a remote spot, settled down with some wine and snacks and a blanket, and began applying the suntan lotion he'd borrowed from Natasha.

"You look ridiculous."

Loki didn't bother glancing up as he rubbed the white creme into the pale skin of his arms. "I'm fair-skinned. I'll burn otherwise."

Luna set her own small goody basket down next to his. His peripheral treated him to the sight of her copious curves encased in a sky-blue bikini with a loincloth-wrap over the bottom half of the bathing suit. Her hair was bound into one long, thick braid with two smaller ones loose at her temple with tiny shells dangling at the ends. All in all, she actually looked rather...cute. It surprised him immensely.

"What is this gunk?" she asked as she plopped down next to him and picked up the bright orange bottle.

"It prevents sunburn. What? They don't have that on Vanaheim?"

Luna stuck out one leg and wiggled her toes. "See this? It's called melanin, Loki. I've never needed protection from the sun."

"Good for you," he said in a droll tone. "If you're going to continue bombarding my personal space, you might as well be useful. Do my back."

She hesitated. "I have rough hands."

"Do I look delicate to you?"

Luna pushed onto her knees behind him and squirted some of the lotion onto her palms, wrinkling her nose as she rubbed her hands together. "Ick. This stuff had better work. It's distasteful."

She started with his shoulders. Loki continued rubbing the rest into the visible parts of his legs and noted that she hadn't been lying--her hands had callouses. Her movements were slightly awkward and forceful, but after a minute or so, it felt nice. He shut his eyes and tried not to think about the last time a woman had touched him. Hell, probably when Valkyrie fought him on Sakaar. It had been even longer since he'd been touched with affection. The long voyage to earth aboard the ship could have afforded him opportunities for sex, but Asgard was still reeling from his betrayal and impersonation of Odin, so none of the women had warmed to him any. On earth, he didn't want anything to do with human women just yet.

"Ah," she murmured in his ear, making him jump. "Has our friend returned?"

His cheeks reddened as he realized she was trying to see over his shoulder into his lap. "Do you mind?"

"No," she said breezily. "I'm actually sort of flattered."

Loki sighed and reached for the wine bottle. "You are exhausting."

"I know," she said, fixing her blanket and then flopping down on her stomach. "Not many men can keep up with me. Many have died trying."

"Are you certain they didn't die just to get away from you?"

"Same difference."

He nearly snorted into his wine glass. A few sips and his condition began reversing itself. It was a relief that the projected shield around them worked like one-way glass--they could see out, but no one could see in. He'd assumed Luna found him on instinct alone, but maybe she'd been watching for him once she hit the beach. They'd hit an odd sort of rhythm by now. Neither of them wanted anything to do with the wedding and its consequent shenanigans. It helped to have a kindred spirit to complain to during their unnecessary trip.

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the roar of the ocean and the excited cheers of the wedding guests. He thought she'd dozed off at last, but then she spoke.

"Have you ever been married, Loki?"

He glanced at her in surprise. She still lay on her stomach, her head on folded arms, facing away from the shore. "No."

"Mm. By choice or necessity?"

He swirled the wine around in the glass, thinking. "Both, I think."

"I think it's foolish," she said. "Pledging oneself to a person until death. People change too often to be steady that way, if you ask me."

"Dunno about that," he admitted. "As much as I didn't care for Odin, he and Frigga were together for centuries and retained love for each other. I agree it's imperfect, but perhaps it works for some people."

"Love is a lie," she murmured. "It's not eternal. It dies like all things in time."

"Yes," he whispered. "Yes, it does."

"If I take off my top, will you lose your composure?"

Loki choked mid-sip. He coughed the wine out of his lungs and then glared at her as he saw her body trembling with suppressed laughter. "That was uncalled for. And what are you blathering about?"

"I don't want to get tan lines," she explained. "So I need to untie my top. That's all. I'll stay on my belly while I nap, I promise."

Loki arched an eyebrow. "What if you roll over in your sleep?"

"Then I guess you get free looks, your majesty."

Loki rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time. "It's no nevermind to me, woman. I've seen my share of naked women. I assure you I'll survive."

"Okay. And it's perfectly natural if your friend wakes up--"

"Will you please shut up and go to sleep?"

* * *

At midday, the wedding planners corralled everyone to start heading inside for lunch. Loki's eyes creaked open slowly. He hadn't realized the calm seas had lulled him right to sleep as well.

Yawning, he sat up and drained what was left of the wine in his glass before checking on his companion. She slept on, oblivious to anything. Part of him snickered at the thought of leaving her here until nightfall, but he decided to behave.

"Luna," he said, shaking her shoulder. She didn't move. Heavy sleeper.

"Luna," he said again, a bit louder, passing his hand over her shoulder blade.

Luna _moaned_.

Loki snatched his hand away as if he'd been burned. A blush sizzled over his cheeks. Hot blood pounded in his ears, heading southward in a hurry. He hadn't heard a woman moan in a disturbingly long time, and certainly not because of his touch. He licked his lips and thought it over. Perhaps she was simply sensitive.

He lowered his hand to the length of her spine instead and drew his fingers over the smooth expanse. Luna shuddered and let out a pleased sigh this time, much to his relief and yet disappointment. He swallowed hard and kept stroking her back, forcing himself to speak again.

"Luna," he murmured. "Wake up. It's time for lunch."

She arched into his touch slightly, raising her plump backside, and Loki had to shut his eyes to the wave of lust that soaked him down to the bone. If he stayed here much longer, he'd start entertaining very wrong ideas about just what he should do about this kind of subconscious behavior.

Finally, he just pinched the back of her left thigh.

"Ow!"

Luna's head popped up from the blanket. He nearly sighed in relief. She rubbed the sore spot and scowled at him. "Oy! What gives?"

"You weren't waking," he explained. "It's time for lunch."

"Fine, fine," she grumbled, reaching behind her for the straps to her bikini top.

"May I?" Loki asked.

Luna sent him a careful look over one shoulder, lifting an eyebrow wordlessly. He didn't say anything else. She shrugged. He reached down and neatly tied the knot at her neck and then the one below her ribs. Just before pulling away, he dragged his fingertips down her near-naked spine and she shut her eyes, biting her lip to stifle an undignified sound.

"Just so you know," he whispered in her ear. "You have very sensitive skin and no inhibitions when you sleep. That might be a recipe for disaster, darling."

She glared as he collected his things, chuckling all the while before stepping out of the tent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Two of the wedding continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RATING CHANGE AHAHAHAHAHAHA.

After lunch, the men and women were split apart to go on activities designed for them. They reconvened a couple hours before sundown, which was when the actual wedding would be held. Loki and Luna stole another bottle of wine--this time from the private stash in the cellar--and escaped into the garden once more to prepare themselves for the minimum two-hour wedding ahead of them.

"They took us to the market to go shopping," Luna told him, shaking her head in disbelief.

Loki snorted. "Did you buy anything?"

"Light Elves are pretentious, but they made good jewelry," she confessed, pushing up her sleeve to reveal the intricate beaded bracelets she'd bought. "What did you get saddled with for an activity?"

"Hunting trip," he said. "They took us outside the palace into the woods on horseback."

"Did you catch anything?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "Some fowls. Nothing more. I'm not terribly interested in killing innocent animals for fun."

"Well, that disproves my serial killer theory. What a relief."

"Maybe that's just what I want you to think," he mused. "We are walking into an isolated area alone together. What better place to strike than here."

"Oh, dear, I'm in mortal danger," she deadpanned. "Whatever is a girl to do?"

They followed a flight of stone steps down into the palace orchard. They'd polished off nearly half the wine when Loki heaved a sigh and spoke in a quiet tone.

"We're being followed."

"Tch. Took you long enough to notice."

Loki frowned at her. "I noticed a while ago. I was just staying silent for your benefit."

"My benefit?"

"Some people tend to become upset when they hear of such things, you know."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You've got to know by now that I'm not just a pretty face. I train soldiers. I've killed people. Being followed isn't going to exactly ruffle my feathers, Odinson."

"Acknowledged," he said. "They're likely here for me."

"Why? What did you do?"

He winced. "Impersonating Odin, for one thing, but I also have some history with the Mad Titan Thanos that has garnered me some enemies."

"I was right about the baggage, wasn't I?" She took another swig of wine. "What's the plan of action, then?"

"Lure them in with a distraction. Force a confrontation. Take them out."

"That'll disturb the wedding, will it not?"

He flashed her a sharp grin. "As much as I'd like that, no. We don't want an incident. We'll stash the bodies somewhere until the wedding is over and then tell the palace guards."

"Sneaky," she said, her eyes gleaming. "That's very underhanded of you. I approve."

"Good. Now then, about the distraction." He caught her arm and shoved her up against a nearby tree. He enjoyed the surprise on her face before scooping the wine out of her hand and taking a long pull off the bottle before setting it aside. He leaned down towards her ear and angled his body so that his back faced the direction their stalkers were in to present a false opening.

"You've no doubt heard of this kind of ploy before?" he asked.

"Pretending to kiss to lure the enemy into a false sense of security?" Luna wrapped her arms around his neck. "Naturally. Oldest trick in the book. Really think they'll fall for that?"

"They're foolish enough to attack me on Alfheim soil, knowing they're Asgardian allies, and in the palace, no less."

"Point taken. Well, get on with it."

He raised his face to be level with hers. "Are you always this demanding when your life is in danger?"

"I prefer the term 'assertive,' Asgardian. Now am I going to have to take over or are you going to grow a pair and--"

He kissed her mid-sentence, hard, first gripping a handful of her beautiful hair to yank her head back for him to reach easier. His other hand grasped her waist and pulled her against the front of his body, their hips colliding. It drove a tiny sound of shock from her. Loki bit her lower lip and slid his tongue along it, tracing its shape without venturing inside her mouth until he had her permission. She sucked his tongue inside her mouth and he fought down a shudder as arousal quickly followed the adrenaline already zinging through his body. She slid her fingers into his dark mane and scraped her nails over his scalp, sending goosebumps down his spine beneath his clothing. He'd been counting down how far the two assailants were from them and it suddenly became infinitely harder to focus as all the blood in his body tried to rush to his groin at once.

He heard the twang of a bow and then reached up, catching the arrow that would have hit him in the shoulder blade. Just as he did that, Luna pulled the dagger from her braid and launched it straight and true at the first assailant. The dagger plunged into the man's throat and he slumped down at the bottom of the tree, dead.

The second assailant darted from around the tree in front of them with a roar, swinging a sword. Loki yanked Luna out of the way as the blade carved a huge gouge into the tree trunk and aimed a kick at the man's knee. The attacker cried out as it dislocated his kneecap and he crumpled to the ground. Loki grabbed his wrist, broke it, and caught the sword as it dropped from the man's limp grasp. He then plunged the blade through the man's back until it burst through the other side, pinning him to the grass. The second man twitched once, twice, and died in the dirt.

Luna blew a tuft of hair out of her eyes as she watched the still-warm blood pool outward from underneath the corpse. "Well, I can say one thing about you, Odinson. You're never boring."

* * *

As predicted, the actual wedding ceremony was mind-numbing. It was extravagant and opulent and one of the dullest moments Loki had ever experienced. He feared it would never end, but at some point, it finally did and they were released for the reception.

To the Light Elves' credit, the reception upped the ante significantly. Better wine, better food, better music, better scenery. Rather than the courtyard, they brought the guests into a ritual platform inside a coliseum. It was a huge round area with a pool of the magic of the Light Elves' namesake at the center, serving the way a bonfire would in other cultures. Beautiful silvery light shone from the pool to illuminate everything around it in soft, calming tones. The food had been set up on the outer rim of the platform, leaving space for people to dance with each other to the music emanating from the magic pool.

There were stadium-styled seats everywhere, so Loki and Luna chose to sit away from the main crowd to finish eating and drinking.

"At least our adventure is nearly over," Luna said with a sigh as she handed her empty plate off to one of the servants. "There's just the rest of the night and the morning before we can return to our normal lives."

"I will never be more grateful than to see that ridiculous little planet earth," Loki agreed. "I'm going to come up with the most insidious thing possible to get my brother back for this."

"Do you think they were being sneaky, by the way?"

He glanced at her, an eyebrow raised. Luna gestured to the bride and groom. "Putting our rooms next to each other and our seating arrangements as well."

He eyed her. "You think we've been set up?"

She shrugged. "I've heard stranger ideas."

He contemplated it. "I suppose it's possible, if they knew your demeanor as well as my own. You think they put us together to try and start a connection?"

She snorted. "More like to keep us from disrupting anything."

"It does sound right up Thor's alley, actually. After all, you are both beautiful and foul-tempered. We have that in common."

Luna laughed. Loki smiled into his goblet, pleased. "That we do, Odinson."

She stretched out her arms on the seat behind her and watched him from under her lashes until he finally broke. "What?"

"Do you dance, Loki?"

"My mother insisted on lessons," he confessed. "There were formal events where dancing was required. The only thing I ever liked about them was watching my brother stumble around like a clumsy ogre."

"You didn't answer my question."

He met her gaze and then smiled slowly. "Yes."

She matched his smile and stood up. She slipped out of the stole around her shoulders and glided down the steps without another word. Loki shook his head, drained the rest of his wine, and trailed after her.

Luna extended her hand. Loki kissed it. Then she spun into his arms, gracefully, light as a feather, and the two joined in with the up-tempo beat of the music. The dancers around them had been rather simplistic--lots of spinning, whirling, hands in the air, near frolicking. The two of them locked eyes and fell in step with something spontaneous, more swaying than spinning, more close contact than separate steps. They moved in graceful sync that put one in mind of earth's figure skaters, and yet there was no intent of wowing judges or crowds--just two people who after grueling hours of tedium wanted to have a little fun for once.

They danced for a while before bidding good night to the bride and groom and retreating back inside the palace. Most of the guests by now had settled in for the night to be ready bright and early for the last day. Loki and Luna walked back to their rooms together in the cool silence of the empty hallway.

"Haven't danced like that in years," Luna said with a pleased sigh. "I actually worked up a sweat."

She unlocked the door to her guest room. "I'm heading for the hot springs. Care to join me?"

Loki froze. "They aren't co-ed, you know."

Mischief sparkled in her eyes. "Aren't you an illusionist?"

He pursed his lips. "We'll be in a lot of a trouble if we get caught."

"Well then, God of Mischief, just don't get caught." She winked and then vanished into her room. Loki tapped his key against his palm, staring at her door in contemplation.

When she returned to the hallway in a full length bathrobe, she found a brunette woman around her height standing there, also dressed in a complimentary bathrobe. Luna let out a wolf whistle.

"Hello, pretty lady."

He didn't rise to the bait. "Come along before someone sees."

They headed for the bathing area. "I bet that comes in handy for some of these covert missions."

"Men are very easily distracted," Loki agreed. "And they tend to underestimate the fairer sex. Learned that the hard way once or twice."

They nodded to the guards before walking into the women's side of the hot springs. There were about five total pools--one large communal pool and four smaller ones for the shier women. It was late, though, so they were the only two present. Once Loki checked to be sure there weren't any other occupants or guards, he dropped the illusion.

"Aside from the wine, this is the only other reason I showed up," Luna said, rubbing her hands together eagerly as she eyed the steam rising from the hot water. "It does wonders for the skin."

She undid her robe and Loki politely turned to one side. She chuckled. "I'm no blushing maiden. You can look if you want to."

He cleared his throat and pretended his face was red because of the heated air around them. "Thank you, but it would go against my upbringing. Foul-mouthed and brash though you are, you are still a lady."

She clucked her tongue. "Your loss, Odinson."

Luna stepped into the pool and let out a little happy groan that made Loki's temperature spike into the thousands. He listened to the water swirl for a moment before checking to see that she'd completely submerged up to her shoulders. She settled against the far end of the smaller pool that was roughly nine feet in diameter and rested her arms along the rim, staring at him.

Loki cleared his throat again. "Do you mind?"

She smirked. "No. I told you I'm not a blushing maiden. I have no modesty of which to speak."

Loki shook his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Life is too short not to enjoy things."

"Have it your way, then." He shed his robe. Luna's eyes dragged down his lanky frame and pale skin in open appreciation as he stepped into the pool as well. He settled opposite of her and shut his eyes as the water eased the tension in his muscles and began washing off the sweat and dirt from the day's journey.

"Oh my. This whole fiasco may have been worth it for these pools."

"Told you so."

"Perhaps Asgard should become more of a liaison with Alfheim after all."

They sat soaking for some time, letting the night wear on around them, sharing the companionable silence. Then she surprised him by breaking it.

"Have you ever been in love, Loki?"

"No," he answered quietly. "You?"

"Once, when I was young."

"What happened?"

"He wanted me to become a housewife. I told him to become a housewife instead."

Loki suppressed a smile. "That sounds like you, alright."

"That was the longest relationship I'd ever been in and I still think about it to this day. How terrifying it is to share yourself with someone, knowing that at any moment they could break your heart. I think love is better defined as surrender."

"I can see it being difficult for a weapons expert to do that."

She snorted softly. "That's an understatement."

"Would you do it again if you could?"

"That relationship? No. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see he was an arrogant pig. I was naive. Men never paid much attention to me back then and he just happened to be the first one. I didn't fill out until later in life."

"And what of love in general? Are you avoiding it?"

"Perhaps. I suppose I'd describe myself as wary of it. I imagine you're the same way."

"Until someone succeeds in killing me, I'll live for thousands of years," Loki said. "I see no real point in falling in love."

"Even if you found an immortal like yourself?"

"Especially an immortal. We'd have centuries of time to grow to hate each other."

She chuckled. "You are rather easy to despise."

He tutted. "Is that why you've sought my company so much, darling?"

"Well, in my defense, at least you're pretty to look at."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Hmph. Not so bad," she sniffed. "You really are the worst, Odinson. On that note, I think I've soaked enough. I'm starting to prune."

He heard the swirl of the water moving as she climbed out. "Last chance, Asgardian."

Loki slowly lowered his head and opened his eyes. He let his gaze caress her naked curves starting at her delicate throat, down over her full breasts, her muscular stomach, her thick thighs, her powerful calves. He nodded his head once in acknowledgment. Her cheeks flushed the tiniest bit as she grinned and pulled her robe on.

"Goodnight, Loki."

"Goodnight, Luna."

She sauntered away to her guest room. After safely shutting herself inside, Luna poured herself some wine, drained the glass, and fluffed up her pillows. She had just drawn the covers back when she heard a knock at her door. She padded over and answered it.

Loki wasted no time barging inside, grabbing her by the waist, and shoving the door closed with her body weight. He hefted her in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, and kissed her with complete and utter abandon. Luna moaned against his lips. He caught the sound, tasting it, tasting the wine on her lips and the sweat from the hot springs. His big, pale hands traveled up her thighs to reach the edge of the robe. He yanked it apart and attacked her neck, leaving stinging bites and sloppy kisses over her throat as one hand slid between her thighs.

She let out a hiss as he slipped two fingers inside her, finding she'd already been wet, likely since the moment she'd left the hot springs. He pumped them into her delicate heat without an ounce of restraint or patience, making her toes curl in under a minute. She jerked against the door in sudden rapture, crying out and digging her nails into his shoulder blades as she abruptly climaxed around his hand. Despite her bravado, he'd had a hunch that it had actually been quite a while since she'd been bedded, and even longer since anyone had satisfied her aside from herself. He licked the kiss marks he'd bitten into her copper skin as he climbed back up to her lips to partake of them again as she recovered.

In a flash, she flipped their positions, slamming his shoulders back to the door. He kept his grip on one of her thighs as she curled it around his waist, reaching for his robe to tear it open as well. He shuddered as her fingers closed around his cock and stroked it once, twice, thrice, drawing excited groans from him. She lost one hand in his unruly, damp locks as she guided the tip of his cock across her slick folds and balanced herself against his tall frame.

With a single twist of her hips, she took him inside her.

They both moaned.

Luna's eyes rolled back in her head. She bit her lower lip as familiar, overwhelming pleasure lapped at her senses and then flooded her entire system. She wiggled slightly, getting used to his impressive cock buried deep at her center, trying to remember the last time she'd felt this damn good. Nothing sprang to mind immediately. She savored it.

Loki groaned and slid his free hand down underneath her robe, stroking over her wet skin until he reached one cheek of her ass. He pulled hard on it to jam his cock deeper, eliciting a sweet cry from her, impatient for more. She lifted her hips and sunk onto him again, mewling in delight, the movement pressing him even more into the door, which turned him on like mad. He met her thrust for thrust, stroke for stroke, capturing her lips to taste even more of her adorable feminine cries. Neither tried to pace themselves, simply taking, going, fucking, harder and harder, faster and faster, greedy and insatiable and selfish.

Luna's head rolled back on her neck as she reached the edge first, rolling her hips hard into his pelvis, seeking more friction. Loki dug his fingers into her plush ass and yanked down roughly, swiveling his own hips to find her spot.

"Yes... _yes_...right _there!_ " she chanted feverishly, her toes curling. She buried her face in his warm neck and screamed as he released her at long last. Loki licked his lips and held as still as possible as she rocked into him helplessly in the throes of her orgasm. She shivered from head to toe and collapsed into harsh, erratic breaths against his sternum. He looped his arms around her thighs, scooped her up, and carried her to the bed.

Luna lay sprawled beneath him, her braid unraveling from the bun it had been tucked in, her blue eyes glazed with lust and satisfaction. She let out a throaty chuckle and lifted up enough to kiss him.

"You were right. You are stronger than you look."

He grinned down at her. "How long do you suppose we have before sunrise?"

"I don't know," she said, brushing wily hairs from her brow. "Maybe five or six hours?"

"Would you like to continue rutting like wild animals until then, milady?"

Her eyes twinkled as she drew him down onto her naked curves again. "I most certainly would, milord."


End file.
